Dear Beneficiary: A Spam haibun

Michel Montreuil
4 min readFeb 12, 2024

Sept 8, 2011

A series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the sum of $850,000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

friday afternoon –
trying to understand
the logic of tyrants

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Good luck Jonathan to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

friday evening
my daughter decides
it’s time for new clothes

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $3,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2015. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it; even if you do not have a bank account.

the cashier
gives me a smile
and her phone number

Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be mailed to you via DHL. Because we have signed a contract with DHL which should expire by August 30 2011 you will only need to pay $155 instead of $420 saving you $265 So if you pay before June 30 2011 you save $265 Take note that anyone asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters and you will have to stop

afternoon nap –
my dream of treasure
lost in the hurricane

Communicate with every other person if you have been in contact with any. Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $155.00. And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 24hrs after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.

promised coffee –
her smile
has something attached

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes; custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $155.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $420 but because DHL have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $420 to $155.

suppertime –
my son asking money
for a date

To affect the release of your fund valued at $850,000.00 you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Mr. Dugbate John with the information below,

Email: dugbatejohn@yahoo.cn. You are advised to contact him with the information as stated below:

Your full Name:
Your Age:
Your Occupation:
Your Address:
Home/Cell Phone:

Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 48 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment/package within the next 48hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

the hockey game
going nowhere
skunk smells

Yours sincerely,
Miss Donna Story

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION

UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr. Dugbate John of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.

In my sleep
a hand touches my shoulder
her goodnight kiss

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Michel Montreuil

Writer of senryu, haiku, haibun and other short form poetry